R #2
Agustin and Thomas had taught me rollerblading. Every Sunday
for a month, we would meet at the Danube Island and they would hold my hands
from either side and we’d rollerblade down several kilometres. I would joke
that they were like my parents, teaching me to “walk” on wheels.
Agustin was one of my earliest gay friends in Vienna. Very
soon after we’d met, he met Thomas and they clicked immediately. After three
dates, they decided to give each other a serious try. Agustin was my age, 29,
while Thomas a bit older. The two were very different in most respects. Agustin
is Columbian, and had come to Vienna for his PhD. Moving continents, he decided
to change himself—he was fully out, right from when he landed in the Austrian
capital. Thomas, on the other hand, was from Salzburg; he had been in denial
about his sexuality until recently. His friends, his parents, siblings had no
clue that he was gay, and he was determined to keep it that way. Agustin is a vegetarian,
who dotes on desserts—I’d once made gajar
ka halwa for him, and it quickly became a regular in his own kitchen. He
loves cartoon films. Thomas loves his sausages and schnitzel and is into SciFi
and Horror. There were other mismatches too, and the first two years of their
courtship was rather bumpy. Agustin used to call me up and want to go for a
walk, and I would know from his tone what I was in for—it would be his
resolutions not to see Thomas ever again, because this simply wasn’t working.
After the walk, I’m happy to say, he would go back resolved to give it just one
more try. Easter and Christmas in Europe are family affairs, and these would be
hard for Agustin, as Thomas would be in Salzburg. So Agustin and I would spend
these together, and we’d alternate between dinners at his place and mine. But
that also meant that I’d to be a vegetarian on these days.
Once Agustin was staying over at Thomas’, when the latter’s
brother was ringing the bell from downstairs; he to collect something. Agustin
didn’t quite have to hide in the bathroom or the closet, but just had enough
time to dress and go up the stairs to the floor above. He was curious about the
brother and peeped down to see Thomas’ brother looking up at him. Agustin put
his foot down. There has to be a coming out timeline, he insisted, this hide
and seek cannot last forever. So Thomas invited his brother and his girlfriend
for dinner and introduced Agustin. He also came out to his sister.
The episode of his parents was funny. His father had come to
Vienna on some work and dropped by. A friend of Thomas was visiting at that
time. A few days later, Thomas’ brother called to say that their father had met
their mother in the grocery store (they are divorced but live in the same
village) and had confided to her that Thomas might be gay—he had never had a
girlfriend, and there was a guy staying over. Thomas’ mother had agreed to find
out and had asked his brother, who denied knowing anything about it. Thomas
made a trip to Salzburg to come out before his mother confronted him herself. I
had to find other things to do during Easter and Christmas from then on.
They moved in together soon afterwards, and got married in
2010, soon after Austria legalized gay marriages. I felt they were a bit too
much into each other, and were neglecting the rest of the world, and have been
completely out of the gay community for years. Once during a dinner at their
place, I had tried to suggest that they should go out more often otherwise they
might end up suffocating themselves.
Two years ago, when I emailed Agustin to wish him for his
birthday, he hinted that things weren’t going all that well anymore. There were
suspicions, trust deficits, terrible rows and lots of tears. Agustin had
discovered that he had a fetish, which Thomas wasn’t into, and although the
latter had agreed to indulge his fetish, Agustin admitted that he felt a lacuna
in his sexual life. He left it at that, it irked Thomas to no end and he
started doubting his fidelity. Thomas himself reached out to me during the email
exchanges for my birthday. I Skyped with both of them, separately, suggested
trying to open up their relationship, having threesomes, trying to do
everything to save their marriage. They went to marriage counsellors, but the
rows continued. Once during a row, Thomas had said that they should separate,
and Agustin said okay. Thomas hadn’t meant it seriously, neither was Agustin’s acquiescence
serious. But the avalanche had stared; they applied for divorce with mutual
consent, and after the requisite six month period of separation, it was granted
a year ago.
The guys who held my hands to teach me to walk on wheels,
ask me if their former other half has started dating yet. No, but they do show
signs of recovery.
26 Jun 2016
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